Friday, December 5, 2008

Think Globally, Act Locally, and Happy Birthday to Me!!

My birthday sucks. Born four days before Christmas. I came home on Jesus' birthday for Chrissakes (blasphemy intented).

I haven't had a birthday party since I was 5. (Okay I had one at age 30, but it was on New Years Eve and I don't remember much of it -- and it's more dramatic to wait 32 more years.

When I tured 21, only one friend was around to go out, so I was denied the rite-of-passage experience of having alcohol poisoning and visiting the ER on that landmark birthday.

Even my first niece, Erin, was born on my half birthday. Eleven years later, I'm happy to say, she's not as selfish.

My grandparents forgot my birthday when I was 10.

Get it yet?

I waited 37 years, but finally I've found a perfect gift for me. Especially all of you who have ever wrapped a birthday gift in Christmas paper or who forgot to call a December baby on their birthday.

December 21 is "Global Orgasm Day." The mission of the day is ... and I quote "to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy."

So.....(ladies only -- or guys who have amazing single female friends....Okay, unhappily married will be considered too!)....here is a gift that keeps on giving.

You can show a humor blogger what he means to you. You can get an amazing orgasm (or two, pending any Christmas miracles) for yourself. YOU can change the Earth's energy -- maybe it can and save some work for President-Elect-Savior-Sage Barack Obama. He's got economic concerns to deal with (maybe we all have orgasms on April 15 too?)

Technically you're supposed to have the orgasm at the time of the solstice. I think I know what time that is, but I could schedule several "miscalculations" that are considerate of your schedule.

And -- it's a Sunday! You can go out for "a last minute gift" and not be lying to pesky spouses, friends or your special guy. (The Jets do play at 4 p.m. so brunch-time encounters preferred, though there is a "halftime slot" open around 5:30 p.m.). I wold recommend the 7:30 p.m. slot, because if the Jets win or lose, I will have considerable adrenaline to exchange.

So you can help save the Earth, have fun of your own, and provide a most welcome birthday gift for an oft-overlooked birthday boy. Refreshments will be provided.

I can promise you it will be the most rewarding 2-and-a-half minutes of your life. Merry Christmas, Happy holidays and Happy Birthday to me!

7 comments:

J. said...

I believe in making every day a high energy day, but on your and the Winter Solstice's behalf this year, I will double my efforts.

Btw, love the artwork in the upper lefthand corner. And don't feel too bad. I have two friends born on 12/24, one on 12/25 (who really hates Christmas), and one on 12/26. Your family just sounds lame.

Heather said...

While I respect your new approach to your birthday, I think you haven't been forceful enough in the past. Hubbie's b'day is Dec. 22 and it is always a separate celebration. In fact, we usually have one b'day dinner with the whole fam damily--kids included and then a separate, more mature evening for us.

Glad to see you are finally taking matters into your own hands!

CV said...

I was so bored reading this particular post that I quit reading and went over to play some dressup. http://www.jesusdressup.com

TommyMac71 said...

I would LOVE the jesus dress up fridge magnets for christmas OR birthday....

They would nicely match my "athletic Jesus" ceramic figure.

Susan said...

I'm with J. in that I believe every day should be a high energy day. But count me in, (and out and in and out). Happy Birthday on the 21st, BABEEEE!!

BigMaryCool said...

Oh, we ALWAYS celebrated Tom's birthday separately, no Christmas tree erected (pardon the pun) until after the 21st....but we should have put the tree up , sounds like the 21st is a Day for Erections!

We had all b-day presents in birthday, not Christmas wrap, and no ice cream Yule Logs from Carvel! He was a real Nazi about that!

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